Hey girl hey,
So I got into a relationship last year and it has not been at all what I am used to. I am learning a few things, unpacking some toxicity and trying to let it go. For instance how am I endlessly tweeting about wanting a kind partner but not knowing how to receive kindess or even reciprocate?or that I like my attention in apologies? I mean, I clearly have a issues.
Here are a few things I have recently learnt about being in a relationship.
- After the honeymoon phase is over and the novelty wears off you have to actually choose to be with this person. When I got to this stage I started to panic,because this is around the time I usually do something to sabotage the relationship and go back to the streets. But I have learnt that long term relationships can not be sustained by hype alone (read liking each other). But if it’s real and you choose to stay, I find that the magic and the butterflies return.
- Even in relationships where you are not being cheated on you will have to do alot of forgiving (small things/ major things)- truly and completely.
- That in relationships where I am not jumping through hoops and cultivating likeability, I have a tendency to be callous and I need to remind myself that being treated alright doesn’t give me carte blanche to be unkind.
- There is no right or wrong way to do it. Just do what feels right. I used to worry about spending too much time together or apart,staying in when we were meant to be on dates etc. As cliche as this sounds – always go with the flow.
- That healthy relationships are easy and boring. There is no gauging of moods or walking on eggshells. No adrenaline rush of going through your partner’s phone. No weekend disapperances. No thirsty online exchanges with other women.
Listen, I am going to peg my animosity with consistency on my daddy issues. It doesn’t sit right with me because it is something I don’t know and it scares me. Everything else I have picked up by myself from dating people that didn’t like me. And also from me dating people I didn’t truly like, that when I now found myself in something that works I don’t know how to act. But I am trying to get used to the new normal and I am getting better everyday.
All my love,