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How to Mother’s Day: When you Don’t Have a Mother

How to Mother’s Day: When you Don’t Have a Mother
how to mothers day when you don't have

For my mother

“Even if you forget me and everything you left behind, I never lied,I love you in a place where there is no space and time”

Ab-soul

When I was 13 my mother died and my life changed in ways I could not even imagine. My mother was my first home, the universe from whose substance I was formed, she was also my first and kindest friend. And while time has smoothed away the sharp edges of grief – there are days when I see her face in the mirror, or hear her voice in my laughter and I come undone.

Mother’s day,when you don’t have a mother can be a huge trigger, especially if the loss is recent. And so it is my least favorite holiday, especially when it falls on a Thursday. I mean love and light to all of you reading this but we seriously need to start a support group to get through the minefield that is today.

Buy your mother flowers

If you were fortunate enough to have your mother laid to rest in the same city as you or a short distance out of town,go and visit her. Lay down the flowers and fill her in on what’s going on in your life. My own mother is all the way in Mzimba so I can’t always make the trip.So every year on mother’s day or on her birthday I take a few minutes out of my day and light a candle,I wish her a happy mother’s day OUT LOUD and of course do the mini catch up. I find this so therapeutic.

Call the women who raised you


And those that didn’t,this a great day to spoil your grandmother. Call that aunt you haven’t talked to in a while but you know will probably be your ankhoswe in the next couple of years. CALL THEM! forwarding that tacky message on WhatsApp simply isn’t good enough.

Avoid WhatsApp statuses like the plague


You really can’t mute everyone,also let people enjoy things. Personally,I don’t post anything today. So I just save myself the data and emotional triggers by not viewing anyone’s status. Don’t forget to wish your friends and sisters a happy mother’s day though.

Cook

Your mother’s favourite food for your wife,hubby, kids, for yourself.While listening to her favourite songs of course(you would be surprised to find them on YouTube quiet easily). Bring back a little bit of her into your home. After you have eaten and done the dishes, let the nostalgia go. Today is just another day off from work really, distract yourself if you must, you already know what I say about wallowing.

Feed a child

Make your mother proud by feeding the needful. Make a donation of essentials to new mothers in government hospitals, they really could use the things you take for granted. You can also finally donate those clothes piling up in your room that you’ve been meaning to get rid of.
If you are in Blantyre please call Mrs Chunga of Namasimba Orphan Care on +265 888 36 58 11 or Mr Godknows Maseko who runs an orphanage in nyambadwe on +265 999 794 899

That’s it from me today, sending love and warmth your way

x

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