As the clock ticks toward midnight on October 31st, 2023, I find myself closing all the tabs on my browser. One of those tabs contains an application I’ve been working on for the better part of the month. The opportunity I’m reaching for is far too prestigious, and the idea of being considered for it fills me with both anxiety and excitement.
However, I find myself grappling with self-doubt, questioning my worthiness for such an opportunity. I’m neither smart nor articulate enough, I’m barely qualified. So, why bother trying? rejection feels inevitable so I convince myself not send my application in.
I recognize this pattern, I have been here many times before. It’s my mind’s way of keeping me within my comfort zone, shielding me from the cruel sting of potential rejection and failure. Unfinished projects and feelings of inadequacy feed off each other, chipping away at my self-esteem until there is nothing but ash.
For some inexplicable reason, my brain has wired me to believe that putting myself out there is embarrassing. Posting my photos, promoting my business, and even sharing this blog fills me with an overwhelming sense of dread. It’s as if the entire world pauses to cringe at me for trying so hard.
I am aware that taking steps to put myself out there could open doors to more opportunities. The correlation is clear—I’ve seen it in my own business when I promote it – revenue increases. And yet, my fear of how others might see me seems to outweigh my desire for success.
What I fail? oh, but my darling what if you fly
Erin hanson
Tonight, I’ve reached a turning point. I’ve come to the realization that I can’t continue to limit my potential without even exploring its boundaries. Throughout the upcoming month of November, I’m determined to push my limits and embrace the discomfort that comes with it. I will take on tasks that demand consistent effort, ones that could reshape my life and push me towards my full potential. After all, my friends seem to think I am smart and competent; it’s high time I started believing them.
Why November?
Well it takes 25 days to form a habit. My hope is that if I can do it for that long it will become my way of life.
How?
According to Psychology Today, this is how you overcome self sabotage
- Know yourself. To fight the cycle of self-sabotage, it is important to learn your triggers and identify your self-sabotaging behaviors. You might want to take time to reflect or find patterns in your behavior. So look for areas in your life where things seem to go wrong regularly or where you’d like to achieve more success.
- Practice mindfulness. When you focus your awareness in a non-judgmental way on some of the triggers or behaviors that lead to self-sabotage, you can not only learn more about yourself but also generate more self-understanding
- Practice self-compassion. Studies show that having self-compassion is related to happiness, wisdom, and emotional resilience (Neff, Rude & Kirkpatrick, 2007). When you practice self-compassion, you can more easily go from where you are now to where you want to be.
- Practice acceptance. You can try practicing acceptance by saying things such as “What happened in the past cannot be changed. I can react differently now.”
- Reframe. One reason self-sabotage is so common is that some parts of our brains are trying to keep us safe from danger. Try to shift the narrative from “This makes me scared” to a compassionate curiosity. This is how you retrain the brain to become an “ally” instead of the “enemy” and stop the self-sabotaging cycle.
- Get more comfortable with failure. Self-sabotage might come from a fear of failure or rejection, which can make you avoid trying hard things. If you don’t try, then you can’t fail. In this case, you unconsciously sabotage yourself. For example, in a new and happy relationship, you might be inclined to believe it is only a matter of time before things start to get worse, so you start to do things that create tension (like fighting or becoming angry).
So, will you join my No Self-Sabotage November Challenge? will you complete that project? will you send in that application? will you shine your talents?
Let me know ❤
Xa.
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